


I’d rather stay here, than to wake up

by alicemoee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Castiel/Dean Winchester Happy Ending, Castiel/Dean Winchester Mutual Pining, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Sad with a Happy Ending, hope u guys like it, im not good at tags, so this is my first story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27738103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicemoee/pseuds/alicemoee
Summary: An Angel of God fell in love with a human, The Righteous Man.But what a tragedy their love story is not to be, as they’re both from different worlds. Or is it?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 4





	I’d rather stay here, than to wake up

**Author's Note:**

> so this is my first story, hope u guys like it!!!!

“So, actually, therefore, the course of wisdom, what is really sensible, is to let go, is to commit oneself, to give oneself up and that's quite mad. So we come to the strange conclusion that in madness lies sanity”

**Alan Watts**

\----01---

"What do you mean Cas is missing?" Dean angrily looked at Balthazar like he just murdered his brother. "Dean, calm down." Sam looked distress and confuse, he tilt his head and asked a question to the British accent angel, "Balthazar, where's castiel?” The Angel sighed expressing his annoyance, can't believe these two monkeys saved the world.

"That's what I keep on telling you, you idiots. Cas is missing. He hasn't answered our prayers for a week now also he’s undetected by Angels, so I need you two to find Castiel, He's needed in heaven I hear." Balthazar sipped a wine and rolled his eyes as the brothers tried to pray to Cas hoping that he will answer, a little smirk make its way to the angels' lips, knowing that whoever or whatever they prayed to Castiel, the Angel won't answer anyone. Even Dean.

"Stop wasting your time praying, and start looking" a rustle of wings are heard and the British accent Angel is gone.

Dean grabbed a half empty bottle of beer, and left the bunker. If Sam is not aware of Castiel's feelings for his brother, maybe he wouldn't think ~~hoped~~ that maybe Dean has a little something for the brunette Angel.

\----02---

Garth dropped a map on the table and chanted Latin, the pole started to move and landed on Florida state, “That’s where the angel is,” he slipped his hand in his pockets and looked at the boy standing at his right, the boys’ green-eyes look so intense onto the paper, Garth thinks if staring burns, the paper is up in flames already. “I think there’s a job there, a few men went missing, same M.O like Castiel, brunette, mid- 40’s”.

Sam started typing, looking for more informations about the disappearances. “The first one went missing around three weeks from now, and two more after a week, and Cas, Balthazar said Cas hasn’t respond for a week, right? “ the long haired-boy looked down to think, “The timelines matched, I think we should check it out, Dean?”

A series of moments passed through Dean’s eyes, moments with Cas. That time Cas introduced himself as an FBI agent but showed his I.D in the wrong way, little spaces between them every case, the little smiles Cas do when he says something snarky, the way his the angel sacrifices everything for him. The Winchesters. It’s been months since he last saw Cas because of some job from heaven, and damn he misses the angel. He misses his best friend.

Sam waved his hand in front of Dean, trying to get his brother’s attention. “Dean, you okay?”, Dean’s attention snapped back to reality, “Huh? What?”. Garth knew, Cas is more than a brother to Dean, knowing from the chatters and stories between them, and now that the angel is missing its making a toll to the young-boy. He’s drinking more than usual and not been sleeping for two days now. Everyone knew about their feelings, but the two seems to be too oblivious to notice.

I can’t wait for their wedding, he smiled coyly at Dean, but the blonde boy is too worried to notice. He’s always busy to notice.

“Cas is at florida, let’s go?”

“Awesome, let’s go”

\----01---

Cas flipped the pancake to the other side, while doing so he hums ‘Smoke in the water’ by deep purple. It’s like almost a habit, every morning he gets up to cook breakfast for his husband and their little princess.

“Daddy,” A blonde haired little girl groggily hugged his dad by the side, “watcha cookin’?” those emerald eyes just like his papa is so wonderful to look at, their daughter is a foodie just like his father.

“Hmm, good morning” speaking of the devil, Cas felt soft lips swiftly kissed his nape. Strong arms enveloped him from the back; his daughter was giggling as she sat down at the table and looked at his daddies that are too sweet even for his Uncle Gabriel.

The blue-eyed man turned around to look at his husband, Dean smiled sheepishly with flushed cheeks and messy hair. Oh so beautiful, Cas traced freckles in Deans’ face, a smile crept in his lips thinking of how many times he tried to count it but fails.Dean planted a kiss on Cas’s lips, it was soft just like he dreams it to be.

A morning so beautiful, that scared Castiel thinking that it wouldn’t last.

\----02---

Five Days Ago . . .

Castiel was running an errand for Heaven, until he decided to sit down for a while at the nearby park bench. He looks at the people in the park. Children playing ball and running around. Parents chatting while eating food out of their picnic basket. Couples lovingly talking about their future like they know what’s going to happen.

His gaze stayed at the lovely couple, sitting on a purple picnic blanket. They look as if a new couple, cuddling and saying I love you’s, but Castiel knows that the two has been married for ten years now, yet they still look so in love.

He’s been always curious what do humans see in love? That they could sacrifice everything for love? They would break themselves for the sake of the person they love. Castiel couldn’t understand the logic behind man and love.

But then he met Dean Winchester, The Righteous Man. Dean was just a job, but he felt more than that. The first time his grace touched Dean’s Soul in Hell, he felt something that he can’t quite understand.

He can disobey Heaven’s orders for Dean. He can turn his back from his father and his family. He can and will sacrifice anything for Dean. He would give everything just to see those wrinkled eyes as Dean Smile happily.

It’s surreal that a man could feel all those feelings, let alone an Angel. So he can’t understand what this feeling he is feeling for Dean is.

But Leviathans happened, and he remembers everything that happened when he was insane. And of course he won’t ever forget what dean said, “Sorry, but I'd rather have you, cursed or not”.

That’s when he figured it out. That’s when he understood why, Why do men falls in love. He’s in love with The Righteous Man.

His train of thoughts has come to a halt, when a man in an Oxford blue suit with a trilby hat sat beside him. The man creepily held a hand to introduce himself to Castiel, he shook the creepy guy’s hand out of the goodness of his heart, but he thinks that the man have an unusual behavior.

“You seem a little wistful, my friend” said the suspicious man with a gravelly voice, while leaning back. Castiel felt surprise and confuse furrowing his eyebrows to show - kind of -discomfort , “I don’t know you, you’re not my friend”.

The stranger left out a croaky chuckle, “ ‘course I am, because I can make your dreams come true, I could give everything you want, I could make you happy, if you want,” He extended a hand, to a seal a deal, “My friend?”.

Castiel is not an idiot; he knows more than to trust this man.

But a pair of green eyes flashes in his mind, freckles of a thousand like stars in the sky, that deep voice calling his name. He wants to know what if...

He wants to know what it feels, even just for a little while. He wants to be happy, even just for a little while. Just for a little he wants to know what could have been if Dean share his feelings too.

_Just for a little while..._

\----03---

“I just can’t understand, how can someone jump on Cas? Jump on an angel? I mean come on, man, we know that Cas can be a little naive or something but he knows the danger of everything. I just can’t understand how can Cas be one if these vics?” Dean slammed the door of their crappy motel room.

They just got back from the police station, asking questions about the disappearances and such. Dean huffed as he sat down on the edge of his bed, just thinking about where is Cas right now, it sent shiver through his whole body. His best friend might be dying right now and they’re just sitting here, in this crappy shit-hole.

Sam opened his laptop to research some more, after a few minutes he glanced up and he saw that his brother is just sitting there. Very still. Like a statue, while of course, drinking beer, he can sense that his brother is in deep thought and that rarely happens, and by meaning rarely, means it only happens when the world is getting sucked into a giant vacuum Armageddon or he’s dying.

So, yeah, this is weirdly rare. That just means that Dean really, really cares about Cas. So Sam needs to double-up working his ass off for this case, ‘cause this case means a lot in his brother.

And at last, Sam found a break in the case, “Hey, get this all the vics was all last seen in a public park, maybe Cas was there, “ on hearing Castiel’s name, Dean started getting ready to go, “ Let’s go, and get that son of a bitch”.

\----03---

Castiel put down a bowl of popcorn and four bottles of beer, on the coffee table. He heard soft giggles up stairs, and he can just imagine his husband Dean telling over -exaggerated bed time stories to their daughter Emma.

After a few minutes, he heard some footsteps walking down the stairs. And soft lips kissed his cheeks. “What are we going to watch tonight, angel?” his husband sat beside him closely nuzzling his nose into his angel’s neck.

Castiel have always been curious, how would it feel like to hold Dean. How comforting would it be to lace his arms around him and let their chest fall into a rhythmic heave. The warmth in his heart, like the human in movies and books must’ve felt. He wants to know how it would feel to embraced Dean and just hold him tight.

Castiel slid a hand behind Dean, so his husband could rest his head while they’re watching ‘Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’. His husband’s love for romantic chick-flick movies such as this, always made him wonder their love story is somehow just like this.

He nuzzles unto Dean’s hair, inhaling the strawberry scented strands. He felt calloused fingers touched his other hand, intertwining their fingers, Castiel held firmly. Not wanting to let go of this moment. He wants to stay.

He let himself feel everything, be present in this moment. As he does, he can feel his heart breaking, bit by bit, with every breath his Dean takes. He knows this won’t last. He knows this isn’t real; it’s the gift the man has offered.

A tremulous smile appear on the angel’s lips, as tears stream down his face, knowing that in reality ~~his~~ Dean would never love him.

\---04---

“I saw a man in a trench coat sitting at that bench near the water fountain talking with another man in a like old clothes like from ‘90s or something.” The manager of the park answered with a western accent to the FBI, “Actually I’ve been seeing that man coming here, talking to the folks ‘til someone come with him. It’s weird, ain’t it?” Dean furrowed his brows, as no monster would blatantly hunt in the day, even newly turned ones.

After interviewing most of the people that work in the park, they walked into a nearby diner to eat some grub and talk about the case. “What do you think is it? I mean what kind of monster hunts in public on broad daylight and even leaving witnesses? That’s weird even for us.” Dean said after glancing on the police files. “Here’s your bacon - fully loaded cheese burger,” a beautiful waitress -- definitely Dean’s type, set down his order in front of him. Sam noticed the lingering stares the waitress is doing to his brother, he cleared his throat and asked for his order, making the waitress blushed and awkwardly set down a salad in front of Sam.

Sam glanced over his brother, examining his brother’s behaviour; the continued severe drinking, sleepless nights that results in Dean not being able to concentrate, and overworking a lot different from their normal overworking. He could say that his brother is stressed.

If Castiel is here, he would just sit next to Dean and talk about bees or anything, and Dean would joke about it and they’ll laugh while, of course, Castiel staring at them confused why is the joke ‘ what’s a bees favourite novel? The great gats-bee’ is funny.

He misses those times.

He misses Cas. Even if sometimes he’ll get stuck between the two obvious sexual tensions with each other. But as Sam look at his brother, flipping some notes in the folder while drinking beer, and also the usual history with his brother’s love life. He just can’t think his brother and Cas could be a thing.

He let out a sigh thinking of all the signs and moments of Dean and the angel, his brother is not the sharpest tool in the shed, so he doesn’t really get how Castiel fell in love with his brother. Sam knows Castiel will get a heart break in this relationship.

\---05---

“Hello, how may I help you?” A brunette curled lady, sitting in the information desk of a Psychiatric Hospital, asked the two suited men in front. “FBI, I’m Agent Smith and this is my partner Agent Smith, no relation.” After showing their I.D’s, the lady scoffed and smirk. Dean looked at her suspiciously, but decided not to discern.

“We’re here because of the Missing persons’ cases, I saw on a paper work that the three victims where consulting Dr. Stevenson? Due to mental problems” Sam said in an authoritative voice. They’ve been speculating if it’s a Wraith just like the one they’ve encountered a few years back, that is also been hunting in a Psych Hospital.

“Yes, they’ve been. You can find Dr. Stevenson at the 4th floor, room 403”

The boys nod in agreement and head to the doctor’s office. They knocked on the door and were greeted by a teenager? who looks too young to be a nurse. “Dr. Stevenson is in session with a patient, you can come back later, so why don’t you go treat yourselves some donut.” Said the girl flatly, not even glancing up to check their I.D’s.

“Excuse me, kid. I don’t think you know how important this investigation is, I don’t care that Dr. Phil is in. We need to talk to him. So, don’t smartass me.” Dean said imperatively in a rough voice, he’s been stress lately and he doesn’t need some kid sassing him.

The girl sighed and knocked on the next door, where a sign saying the ‘Doctor’s in’. After a few minutes, the nurse gestured them to go in. They seated each on a leather armchair in front of the Doctors’ desk. “So, what can I do for you boys?” If Dean is not a hunter he would say that the doctor is just a normal cheery guy, but unfortunately for the Doctor he is a hunter. And Dean gets the heebie-jeebies from this guy.

“Well, Mr. Stevenson, three of your patients have gone missing and we just want to make some sense on what happened to them, do they talk about any certain strange problems?” Sam asked while Dean just sits back and looks at the doctor with furrowed brows. The Doctor smiled awkwardly as a pair of green eyes piercingly stared at him. “Oh yeah, I’ve heard. But I can’t really disclose my patients’ privacy even to the FBI,” he gestured his head towards the direction of the boys, and smile apologetically, “I’m very sorry”.

Dean tapped the table and got the men’s attention, “All right, chuckles, the FBI needs you. We need the victims’ files and I respect your integrity but you’re really gonna help lots of people here, man” Dean smiled dimpling his cheeks.

The blonde doctor gave Sam a roguish look; the brown-haired boy furrowed his brows, and thought that the doctor is being weird, but decided not to think more about it. After a minute of speculating, the doctor makes his way to the drawers beside his bay window, his fingers searching for the names of his patients who’ve gone missing.

Dean watched as the doctor fumbled with the files, as he handed it to them. Dean suspected the Doctor is acting a little tense since from the start; it just might be because they’re intimidating or it’s something else. Sam took the files and they left the office.

When Dean closed the door behind him, Sam gave him a knowing look which just means that this must be their guy; The Doctor.

\---06---

When night came, the boys camped outside the hospital to wait for Dr. Stevenson. Sam was drinking a soda when someone knocked on their windowsill, the boys who is alarmed by the sudden knock, habitually held their guns that is nested in their waists’.

The person who knocked was the nurse in the information desk but instead of a tunic style top and white trousers she is now wearing a band t-shirt with a leather jacket and black jeans, who Sam thought is kind of suspicious. “Howdy, boys” the brunette woman, she gestured them to get out. The boys shared a glance before stepping out of the Impala.

“Do you need something, lady?” Dean asked politely, not knowing that the woman knows them. “Lady? Wow I’m impressed Dean, never knew you were a gentleman” Dean’s face switched as soon as the woman knew who he was, “hmm, don’t worry, boys, I’m not gonna bite” She smiled like a child convincing their parents that they’re not lying. “Who are you?” Sam asked in an intense voice, all his instincts ready to attack.

“Name’s Meg, ‘m not a demon, a monster or whatnot, I’m just a normal nurse working in a wack-job hospital,” She smiled to Sam, she looks trustworthy yet their instincts tell them to attack. “I know you’re not feds, you’re hunters” Sam looked at Dean alarmed and tense. “Our father is a hunter too; you two are pretty popular in the hunter radar. I heard a lot about the Winchesters, thought you would be shorter Dean.” Dean rolled his eyes, “What do you want?” Dean said in a low voice that would send any normal human running. “Nothing, but you guys does. You need information...that I have” the two shared a glance before Sam answered, “What information?” asked the brown haired boy while furrowing his brows.

The two heard a voice that sounds like a little girl, “About Dr. Stevenson” they turn to see whose it from and they saw the smart-ass teenager. “Oh, I see you two are on a hunt?” Meg rolled her eyes and smiled coyly, “Hmm, I guess something’s true about the rumour, Dean. I’m just a simple nurse and my sister is also a nurse, our father is the only hunter in the family. We decided that the hunter life is not for us, so we made fake names, resumes and life, and now we’re normal again.” Her sister step beside Meg and smiled, “But we still have our instincts, why don’t we head back to your motel or to a diner and we’ll tell you what we know”

Dean glanced over to his brother and to their, hopefully, new allies. “Well, I’m craving for some burger, so, why not?”

\---04---

Castiel knocked unto his brother-in-law’s house, while his husband carries their daughter. He was greeted by Jess who’s wearing a beautiful, white dress. “Hi Cas, Dean,” the blonde curled woman hugged them both to welcome them, “Oh, Is that baby Emma, come here baby girl!” She cooed at their 8-year-old baby girl.

They stepped inside, a beige-wallpapered house with minimal household, family pictures attached on the wall; pictures of Sam and Dean when they were kids and with their family, smiling. They made their way to the dining area, where Sam is setting the table. “Hello, guys, glad you made it. The ride’s long, huh?” Sam asked after hugging Dean and him both, “Yeah, seriously Sammy, why’d you have to live at Sacramento, you could’ve live at Kansas like us.” Dean complained jokingly.

Castiel smiled fondly just how happy everyone is. How happy his family is.

After a delicious meal that is ended with Mary’s apple pie, they decided to hang out on the patio at the backyard.

Castiel sat down on the backyard bench as he watches his daughter and nephew playing by the swings. He glanced over his husband and Sam, as they talk about their jobs. “So, how are you? We missed you, guys you rarely visit these past few weeks” Jess asked as she sat down with him and offered him a pineapple juice that he accepted.

“Is that so? Well, everything’s great, sorry we haven’t been visiting lately I just want to be with them until...” He trailed off and glanced over his daughter and then looked at Dean.

Dean threw back laughing to what Sam said, crinkling the sides of his eyes and showing his mild dimples. He was happy. He looks happy, but Cas knew it isn’t real. It needs to stop.

but can he really stop?

**Author's Note:**

> THANK U FOR READING!!!!! hope its not that bad?? hehehehe


End file.
